Halloween

Oh hi, didn't see you there. Halloween. Great holiday? Or the greatest holiday? Christmas has nothing on a holiday with free candy and haunted houses. Forget Santa Clause, does he dress up like an extra from a Romero movie at his quaint two-story suburban home while passing out Snickers minis to a kid in a Scream costume with squeezable blood-dripping action? I don't think so. That's because Halloween is the holiday of the people! There are no mythical icons like the Easter Bunny, Leprechaun or Cupid to grace this holiday's seasonal Oreo box. The closest thing is a little jack-o-lantern, but you won't have to lie to your eight-year-old daughter about the existence of a jack-o-lantern, now do you? Costumes. Everyone likes to dress up in costume, and unless you're a member of the Village People or doing cosplay at an anime convention, you will not get another chance to dress up for the entire year! Candy. The sugary bliss and sweet satisfaction that can only come from steal from your little sibling's trick-or-treating bag, and the only chance for adults to take candy from children without someone calling an Amber Alert.

Halloween also means it's the time of year for Haunt events.. While Knott's Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt (is it Haunt yet?) and the Universal Studios' Halloween Horror Nights reign supreme, there are various struggling events that need some lovin'. That why I am giving you, honorable reader, a challenge. Are you up for it? Good. Attend every halloween event/haunted house in your town. All of them. No matter how big or small or sketchy. If possible, hit them all up on Halloween night.

You'll thank me for it later....muahahahaha.

Hello.

If you really want to hear about it, The first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and in the second place, my parents would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about them.

Okay, okay, enough with all that Holden Caulfield kind of crap, I don't want to be sued for plagiarism. Welcome to the Ludovico Technique, my little piece of the big internet pie. I hope I will be able to entertain you with midly amusing sarcastic entries that probably no one will read. Who knows? Maybe this blog will become important enough to where someone will actually care to sue me for plagiarism.

But I doubt it.